11.30.2009

A Quick Message for the Ladies

Hello Mami,

Recently, I've noticed that you and many of your crew are wearing these:



In Starbucks, in the grocery store, in the library, in the mall, in class, in the movies--they're everywhere. As such, I thought I'd take a moment to share a piece of advice:

STOP.

They're awful. Word.

- Joey

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11.24.2009

Columbus, Ohio Is the Worst Place in America

Here are the fine folks of Columbus celebrating everything they most treasure: trashiness, abject stupidity, and mouth breathing.



Notice that these sorts of things never happen in, say, Ann Arbor. But I suppose we shouldn't expect much more from a population that congratulates itself every single time it successfully spells a four-letter word.

My non-partisan (read: not a Michigan graduate) friend said it best: Next time, don't even build a Borders in Columbus. You know these folks aren't reading.

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Definitive Proof That God Exists


The universe has an awesome sense of humor.

And it comes from South Bend, IN, no less.

Whoever this man that punched Jimmy Clausen is, he is my hero. And yet I hate him because my envy burns deeply.

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11.23.2009

Music for a Monday: The Rap Game's Nick Saban


My favorite southerners.

A few years ago, Da Backwudz made some noise, and I took notice. I didn't articulate it at the time, but the group stood out because it combined southern hallmarks--heavy bass, tinny melodies, exaggerated regional vocal inflection--with the sampling commonly associated with other regional hip-hop forms. (Which is not to say that Southern rap music is devoid of sampling, only that the monolithic "southern sound" doesn't immediately call forth that association.) Their music had a local character that felt as though it was of Atlanta, however it was distinct, and far more engaging. Not much came of their debut, Wood Work, though, and I'd imagine that most people don't remember them.

My unscientific hypothesis about the group's demise is that Da Backwudz failed because its distinguishing nuance of style nonetheless sounded like a derivative. Though the combination offered was uncommon, the component parts seemed generic. Their voices were like so many others; the samples were available elsewhere; that southern bounce was almost insincere for being such a basic flavor. After a listener recognized that Wood Work reflected a novel idea, he or she quickly lost interest because the amalgamation was easily picked apart.

Last year, the Alabama-based group G-Side stood out for reasons that initially aligned it with Da Backwudz. On Starshipz and Rocketz, G-Side emerged as southern group apart from the easily ascribed cohort. A track like "Strictly Buzinezz," captivating for its laconic tempo and the humidity it conjured, mixed with a waling, swelling song like "We Own the Building" to present a rare combination of moods and styles. "G-SIDER" was a track on which the rapping indicated an intentional effort to exploit cadence. "Rubba Bandz" was the sort of emphatic two-step anthem which Lil' Jon wishes he could still put out. "Hit da Block" distilled a street-tale style that sounded less proud than measured, and was somewhat evocative of the Memphis hip-hop scene. Taken as a whole, the album sounded well reasoned and well crafted. The content wasn't groundbreaking and the rapping technique wasn't exemplary, but G-Side still made interesting music. Most notable, it sounded different, mixing styles and influences to create a unique brand of the southern sound. Taken with the group's proud repping of Huntsville, G-Side carved out a musical shibboleth, of sorts.

Last week, G-Side came back with a new mixtape, Huntsville International. Like Starshipz, the music sounds proud to stand alone. Huntsville is not different for the sake of being so, but it also is certainly on its own. Musical regionalism is increasingly a fiction as rap music travels across artificial barriers relatively easily. There are countless examples which make this case. And yet, stereotypes can make conversation easy, and it's hard to deny that there are still specific rap modalities that immediately cry out for characterization as "southern." Huntsville again plays with these conventions, fusing active drum kits and keyboard synth arrangements with Billy Joel samples. Or bubbling club rhythms with slower, Autotuned vocal filler and effete pop choruses. Or soul samples with syncopated bongo drums and heavy doses of southern vernacular. Or famous jazz piano riffs with Project Pat vocal samples and record scratches. More than anything else, G-Side has again crafted a product that invites curiosity and rewards repeated listens. The mixtape is fair from perfect--"Aura" is almost laughable, for example--but it is legitimately engaging, a rare quality, good or bad.

The New York rap snob in me would be remiss to neglect that G-Side does not immediately stand out for verbal dexterity or punch-line inventiveness. However, G-Side also is unapologetically effective, trafficking in plenty of rap conventions but also seizing enough latitude to rap in conversational style about prosaic details which are humanizing. The rapping technique makes G-Side likable, even if you have by now grown tired of hustling and paper stacking and whatever else. To say nothing of the fact that unlike the glitz and manipulation of, say, Baby and Rick Ross, G-Side wades into this staid topical terrain for many different reasons.

Listen for yourself and tell me that I'm wrong. G-Side succeeds where Da Backwudz failed.

- G-Side ft. Sound of Silence, "Huntsville International"
- G-Side ft. Yelawolf, "Who's Hood"
- G-Side ft. 6 Tre Gangsta and AC, "Feel The"

Entire mixtape is here.

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11.22.2009

Kobe Bryant Wins Life



The casual brilliance of Kobe Bryant. That's all. Sometimes people forget it, and they need to recognize.

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11.15.2009

Ron Artest, "Blind"



I think this is law school talking, but my first question upon watching this: how does team management feel about Ron Ron wearing Lakers gear in these videos?

UPDATE: It's like Ron was rewarding me for posting his latest music video. Did everyone see this tonight? (Look at the 0:32 mark):



Awesome. Just awesome.

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11.14.2009

Official Announcement: I Am Transferring to Monmouth



Hello friends, particularly those whom I've met in St. Louis. I am writing with important news: my time in Missouri is coming to a close. I have decided to transfer to Monmouth University.

I did not arrive at this decision hastily. I mulled it over for a long time during breakfast this morning. But as I weighed the positives against the negatives, two things kept tipping the scale in Monmouth's favor.

First, and most importantly, there was this:



Last night, Monmouth beat FIU by 29. More importantly, the students were complete dicks to Isiah Thomas. They chanted "Magic hates you," they made fun of the time Isiah tried to kill himself and blamed it on his daughter, they of course made fun of the Anucha situation. They even rushed the floor after a 30-point blowout over an awful team just to celebrate beating Isiah. That is the kind of vindictive student body of which I'd like to be a part. True to the New York-area ethos, Monmouth will never forget. Neither will I.

Second, going to Monmouth will place me in close proximity to the Jersey Shore, an area which I'd like to make the focus of an amateur anthropological study. I understand that MTV will be delivering groundbreaking work in this regard next month, and I want to supplement that inquiry. How can you not be enticed by this?



My first entry point will be this question: I understand that the stereotypical "guido" lifestyle entails fake tan, chemically enhanced muscles, and impossibly vertical hair. But why fist pumping?! Is that a constant move in this community? It gets about a third of this commercial's time; does fist pumping constitute a third of the lifestyle's known activity? Like, are you fist pumping while you're driving? Or while you're paying for a Red Bull?

To answer these questions, to immerse myself in a community where a seething hostility toward Isiah Thomas finds fellow travelers, and to study the law (I guess), I'll be transferring to Monmouth.

I don't even care that it doesn't actually have a law school.

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11.13.2009

BANGS: Take U To Da Movies



I love foreigners.

Enjoy your weekend.

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Now Hear This. Literally.



Have you felt as though your life were suffering from a deficit of listening to me talk about basketball? Were you yearning to hear me make jokes about white people? Step out into the sunshine, you huddled masses.

On Wednesday I stopped by the Disciples of Clyde podcast for a sprawling hour of basketball talk. It is all hoops, no filler. Needless to say, I was flattered to be invited back onto the show. Dan Filowitz is many things, among them an easy conversationalist and an impressive master of a deep body of NBA knowledge.

The podcast is here. You can stream it here:



Dan is a Knicks fan, so we delved into many of the subjects I wrote about here.

Now your weekend can begin properly.

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11.12.2009

My Hurt Is More Hurtful Than Your Hurt


I don't know.

My friend and collaborator Ty Keenan traded some emails this week with me about how it hurts to root for a horrible NBA team. You see, he rides with the Warriors, so he knows.

Our epistolary exchange is up for your consumption on FreeDarko. Enjoy.

P.S. The title comes from this:

- 2Pac, Pain

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